So here we are again, April 13th, 4 years to the day of the lowest point in my life. I dread the anniversary almost as much as I celebrate it… let me explain.
It is hard to look back at the events of 4 years ago but not for the reasons you might expect, I look back and think of all the things I would have missed and all the pain I would have caused if I had gone through with the suicide attempt, in the last 4 years I have learned so much and done so much, I have had foreign holidays, I have had amazing times away with friends and done things and met people that I never would have dreamt of never mind actually accomplished.
Most of all I have learnt a lot about myself, I have learnt that stress and anxiety is avoidable, I have become a much more laid back person and I just dont do stress anymore, sure I have bad days like everyone else on this planet but I have learnt to accept them for what they are and I have been lucky enough to have been taught how to cope with them. My favourite quote is “The only way to achieve true happiness is to not give a fuck what people think of you” … It’s true, why stress and worry about what people think of you, no one should ever have the power to make you feel inadequate or not worthy, why let them it can only affect you if you give them that power, not me, I dont need anyone to validate my worthiness or abilities as a human being, I am quite happy and content with who I am thanks.
My work with the Samaritans is something that has massively helped me, I cant believe it’s been almost a year since I did the big conference in London for Intrinsic, I have also spoken at conferences for Samaritans branches and events and am extremely proud and delighted to have a chance to give something back to the organisation that undoubtedly saved my life. This contiues and I have been asked to speak at events going forward this year.
Personal life is good, still single (by choice before anyone says anything LOL) work is good, I have friends who know me and accept me. I really love having friends that you can count on, friends who despite not living in each others pockets are there for you as you are for them anytime and knowing that is a massive lift.
I often get asked if I have beaten my demons … tough question, I would never take my mental health for granted and I would never be conceited enough to say “yes, I have beaten it”, what I am able to do is cope with the bad days and put them away in a box and move forward, accept them as part of life but don’t let them become consuming or even give them any importance.
4 years on and I think back to that day and that phonecall which saved my life and I will never tire of doing whatever I can to raise awareness of the Samaritans. I also continue to fight the stigma and ignorance surrounding mental health issues.
I got a second chance at life and I am loving every second of it, I am now going to toast my second “Birthday” with a cheeky Jack Daniels and a bacon sarnie …. LIFE IS GOOD x